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“舍得” (shě de): Gains often come in the wake of loss
“舍得” (shě de): Gains often come in the wake of loss
"舍得“：有舍才有得
"舍得“：有舍才有得
“舍得” (shě de) is a -Gains often come in the wake of loss. - "舍得" is a classic term in Chinese that reflects traditional Chinese wisdom.
In Chinese we use “舍得”(shě de) to express willingness to give, and we use “不舍得” (bù shě de) [“不” means “not”] to express reluctance to give up something. However, the individual characters “舍” (shě) and “得” (de) have completely opposite meanings: the former, “舍” (shě), means to give up, while the latter, “得” (de), means to gain. The combined word “舍得” seems to continually remind us that when you are giving, you will surely gain something somewhere somehow. Don’t just focus on what you have lost, because there will be gains accompanying it.
I remember after I turned five, my parents had their second child, my younger brother. Due to the age difference, naturally, my parents invested more time and energy in taking care of my brother. When I was a teenager, I had to bike for half an hour to and from school every day alone. I still remember, when I arrived home exhausted one day and approached the front door, I heard the cheerful laughter of my mom and brother playing happily inside. I also remember when my brother went to elementary school, I had to wake him up every morning, make breakfast for him, and then take him to school. I can still recall the jealousy and discontent I felt at the time. It seemed like I had lost the privilege of being constantly pampered by my parents and grandparents, as well as a lot of my own time.
Twenty years later, however, I realized I started to gain benefits brought by these losses. Because of this brother, when I felt scared living alone, he would come and accompany me; I could leave my hometown without hesitation, leaving my tearful father to my brother to comfort him; when I was pregnant and my father needed heart surgery, I didn’t have to worry about him being alone without anyone to take care of him; also, nowadays, I can live my life on the other side of the Pacific without distractions, worrying much less about my elderly parents. Moreover, I am grateful to my brother for diverting some of my parent’s attention away from me, allowing me to become more independent, and learning to take care of myself, as well as others.
Years later, when my daughter was seven, she also had a younger brother. Once, when I was taking a walk in the neighbourhood with her and my baby son, a girl of the same age as my daughter asked her, “How could you let your mom have another baby? He will snatch your toys!” This remark left me speechless and amused. This girl probably didn’t realize that while protecting her toys, she would lose the lifelong family affection and support that a sibling could offer. Now, my daughter is a teen, and she has to start sharing the care of her brother. Like me back then, she often treats her brother harshly and finds him troublesome and noisy. But I always smile and tell her, “Yes, yes, I know how you feel. I used to feel that way too.”
“舍(give)得(gain).” Perhaps this is a kind of Chinese wisdom: if you insist on holding what you have tightly, you might end up losing even more; what you thought you lost today may eventually bring you wealth one day in the future.
“舍得” (shě de) is a -Gains often come in the wake of loss. - "舍得" is a classic term in Chinese that reflects traditional Chinese wisdom.
In Chinese we use “舍得”(shě de) to express willingness to give, and we use “不舍得” (bù shě de) [“不” means “not”] to express reluctance to give up something. However, the individual characters “舍” (shě) and “得” (de) have completely opposite meanings: the former, “舍” (shě), means to give up, while the latter, “得” (de), means to gain. The combined word “舍得” seems to continually remind us that when you are giving, you will surely gain something somewhere somehow. Don’t just focus on what you have lost, because there will be gains accompanying it.
I remember after I turned five, my parents had their second child, my younger brother. Due to the age difference, naturally, my parents invested more time and energy in taking care of my brother. When I was a teenager, I had to bike for half an hour to and from school every day alone. I still remember, when I arrived home exhausted one day and approached the front door, I heard the cheerful laughter of my mom and brother playing happily inside. I also remember when my brother went to elementary school, I had to wake him up every morning, make breakfast for him, and then take him to school. I can still recall the jealousy and discontent I felt at the time. It seemed like I had lost the privilege of being constantly pampered by my parents and grandparents, as well as a lot of my own time.
Twenty years later, however, I realized I started to gain benefits brought by these losses. Because of this brother, when I felt scared living alone, he would come and accompany me; I could leave my hometown without hesitation, leaving my tearful father to my brother to comfort him; when I was pregnant and my father needed heart surgery, I didn’t have to worry about him being alone without anyone to take care of him; also, nowadays, I can live my life on the other side of the Pacific without distractions, worrying much less about my elderly parents. Moreover, I am grateful to my brother for diverting some of my parent’s attention away from me, allowing me to become more independent, and learning to take care of myself, as well as others.
Years later, when my daughter was seven, she also had a younger brother. Once, when I was taking a walk in the neighbourhood with her and my baby son, a girl of the same age as my daughter asked her, “How could you let your mom have another baby? He will snatch your toys!” This remark left me speechless and amused. This girl probably didn’t realize that while protecting her toys, she would lose the lifelong family affection and support that a sibling could offer. Now, my daughter is a teen, and she has to start sharing the care of her brother. Like me back then, she often treats her brother harshly and finds him troublesome and noisy. But I always smile and tell her, “Yes, yes, I know how you feel. I used to feel that way too.”
“舍(give)得(gain).” Perhaps this is a kind of Chinese wisdom: if you insist on holding what you have tightly, you might end up losing even more; what you thought you lost today may eventually bring you wealth one day in the future.
“舍得” (shě de) is a -Gains often come in the wake of loss. - "舍得" is a classic term in Chinese that reflects traditional Chinese wisdom.
In Chinese we use “舍得”(shě de) to express willingness to give, and we use “不舍得” (bù shě de) [“不” means “not”] to express reluctance to give up something. However, the individual characters “舍” (shě) and “得” (de) have completely opposite meanings: the former, “舍” (shě), means to give up, while the latter, “得” (de), means to gain. The combined word “舍得” seems to continually remind us that when you are giving, you will surely gain something somewhere somehow. Don’t just focus on what you have lost, because there will be gains accompanying it.
I remember after I turned five, my parents had their second child, my younger brother. Due to the age difference, naturally, my parents invested more time and energy in taking care of my brother. When I was a teenager, I had to bike for half an hour to and from school every day alone. I still remember, when I arrived home exhausted one day and approached the front door, I heard the cheerful laughter of my mom and brother playing happily inside. I also remember when my brother went to elementary school, I had to wake him up every morning, make breakfast for him, and then take him to school. I can still recall the jealousy and discontent I felt at the time. It seemed like I had lost the privilege of being constantly pampered by my parents and grandparents, as well as a lot of my own time.
Twenty years later, however, I realized I started to gain benefits brought by these losses. Because of this brother, when I felt scared living alone, he would come and accompany me; I could leave my hometown without hesitation, leaving my tearful father to my brother to comfort him; when I was pregnant and my father needed heart surgery, I didn’t have to worry about him being alone without anyone to take care of him; also, nowadays, I can live my life on the other side of the Pacific without distractions, worrying much less about my elderly parents. Moreover, I am grateful to my brother for diverting some of my parent’s attention away from me, allowing me to become more independent, and learning to take care of myself, as well as others.
Years later, when my daughter was seven, she also had a younger brother. Once, when I was taking a walk in the neighbourhood with her and my baby son, a girl of the same age as my daughter asked her, “How could you let your mom have another baby? He will snatch your toys!” This remark left me speechless and amused. This girl probably didn’t realize that while protecting her toys, she would lose the lifelong family affection and support that a sibling could offer. Now, my daughter is a teen, and she has to start sharing the care of her brother. Like me back then, she often treats her brother harshly and finds him troublesome and noisy. But I always smile and tell her, “Yes, yes, I know how you feel. I used to feel that way too.”
“舍(give)得(gain).” Perhaps this is a kind of Chinese wisdom: if you insist on holding what you have tightly, you might end up losing even more; what you thought you lost today may eventually bring you wealth one day in the future.