Does your feeling matter as you thought?

In Canada, our children are taught to respect others’ feelings and also to express their own feelings in school. Canadian public morality requires people to restrain their biases because, I guess, everyone has biases, but we can avoid expressing them to avoid hurting the feelings of certain groups. If someone uses discriminatory language, they will be criticized. Its purpose is originally good, protecting people from being offended, but it makes people sensitive. In the meantime, you may find that online verbal attacks are rampant, especially against public figures.

I rarely use Twitter because I find it to be similar to China’s Weibo, full of mutual attacks and insults. A few years ago, I was curious and browsed Twitter, during the chaotic period after the US presidential election, wondering how people were discussing. However, when I saw the incessant personal attacks on Nancy Pelosi under all her tweets, a feeling of disgust made me not want to touch it anymore.

I must clarify that I am not a fan of Ms Nancy Pelosi, but as the first female Speaker of the House in US history, as someone who rose from a housewife to the third most powerful person in America, she is still a woman worthy of respect. Respect for someone does not necessarily come from liking them. It can simply come from their experiences, their achievements, their admirable words and actions in certain respects, or even just from their courage and perseverance.

For such a respectable woman, it is unacceptable that some people can use that kind of language to attack her, which I wouldn’t even dare repeat here. I can’t help but wonder, how does Nancy herself feel about such attacks? Although I know that these politicians’ Twitter accounts are managed and maintained by others, I assume she can’t possibly have never looked at the comments and feedback under her name. It would be better if she had not looked, as I would definitely feel hurt if I were her. Anyway, she definitely never responds to these attacks, as if she lives in a parallel space with these vile speakers. How could she make it?

This puzzle lingered in my mind for a long time, until last night when I inadvertently watched a forum interview with Chris Christie at the University of Chicago.

I was drawn to this interview because of the first student’s question. The student said that he had been following Chris Christie for many years. Although in many ways, he disagreed with Chris Christie’s opinions and even strongly opposed some of his policies, he found that he quite liked Chris Christie as a person. I empathized with this statement, even though my knowledge of Chris Christie was almost limited to a TV show interview when he was discharged from the hospital after he contracted COVID-19, and then noticed him during this year’s (2024) Republican primary debates. He has a certain charisma that makes him attractive. Because of this student’s question, I curiously watched the entire Q&A section of the interview, thinking that it turns out I’m not the only one who finds Chris Christie interesting, with certain qualities that even opponents would appreciate.

After completing watching the interview, I unexpectedly found an answer to the above puzzle in my mind.

In the last question from a student, a Black student listed some racially discriminatory remarks made by the current President Biden and asked Chris Christie for his opinion. Perhaps because Chris Christie has always stated that he privately likes and admires Biden as a person, even though he belongs to an opposing party and disagrees with many of his policies and ideas, and also insists that Biden should not be re-elected, etc., this student might want to challenge Chris Christie’s ability to justify this.

Chris Christie’s answer was not surprising. He insisted that Biden’s words were unintentional and joked that Biden is someone who speaks before thinking—meaning he talks too quickly without engaging his brain? (laughs)—but his answer didn’t stop there. His following words, or the advice he gave to this questioning student, were the essence of it in my opinion.

Chris Christie said that today’s younger generation places too much emphasis on their own feelings, so they are overly sensitive and care too much about what others say, often suspecting others of discrimination or bias against them. However, a person who truly wants to achieve something, and those who have already achieved something, often do not attach much importance to other people’s remarks. What matters is what you think and do, not how others perceive you. He humorously used his weight as an example, saying that over 70% of the comments and replies to him on Twitter mock his weight, even ridiculing every point he makes as being because he wants to eat more pizza and burgers. He said if he cared about these comments, he probably wouldn’t have the energy to do anything. Therefore, he suggests not to pay too much attention to these remarks themselves; instead, focus on a person’s conduct. Don’t attach too much importance to ‘feelings’, don’t be overly sensitive, and don’t let ‘feelings’ weigh you down.

I felt enlightened. How could someone with higher goals care about these petty attacks? How could someone who cares about these petty remarks, who gets angry over these words, focus on lofty goals? How could someone whose feet are entangled by trivial matters under their eyelids go far?

If you truly want to achieve something, be somebody, put your “feelings” aside. Don’t let the noise of everyday life disturb your thoughts, blur your goals, tie your hands, or dampen your spirits.Don’t be overly sensitive to other people’s comments and evaluations, suspect everything, and indulge in self-pity.

I recalled Dante Alighieri’s Quote: “Follow your path, and let the people talk!”